Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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