Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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