I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We have started to decorate penises.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
