Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
