you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
