yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
