I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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