If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
