Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
