If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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