Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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