if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
