Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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