smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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