I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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