first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize