Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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