gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
