whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
