i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
