i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
