I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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