There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
