i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
