i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
