U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
