we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
