almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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