where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
