i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
