i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need a beard to bite.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
