I just cut my nipple shaving
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
