I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sober January is a disaster.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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