Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
