I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
