I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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