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If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
