I wannas sexs uuuuu
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
