the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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