I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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