a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
