I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
