didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
