Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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