I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
that is very illegal...i love you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
