my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
