I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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