how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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