I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
