I think i peed on brittanys purse
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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