That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize