i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
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