so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
