he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize