There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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