you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
