And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
