gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
