I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
