i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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