you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
