I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
