we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
