Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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