I think i sorta joined a cult last night
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
