I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
