please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
