the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
