oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
