I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
