Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
