Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
