I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
