DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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