It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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