his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
