this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
