guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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