you didnt know i had herpes?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
