you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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