Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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