When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
