i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
