There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
