Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Alive.
So much puke
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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