dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
