I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
