All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
