if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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