I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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