Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
