Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
