I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
