first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
