i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
PANTIES FOUND
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize