I wish life had little blips of pornography
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
