Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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