Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize